Contents after the jump due to the political (and highly contentious) nature of the content.
A couple of weeks ago I had the great honor to officiate the beautiful civil ceremony that saw my dear friends Caryl and Amy married. As Jennifer and I were married just a bit earlier in the year, we were well aware of the logistical nightmare that is a wedding. Given everything else that was going on in the lives of our friends at the same time, the timing of the wedding seemed likely to give one of them a heart attack…but there really wasn’t much of a choice. It’s now or potentially never.
The shortened timeframe that many of our friends and colleagues have planned their weddings on is due to the impending vote on California’s Prop 8 ballot initiative which seeks to amend the California constitution to take away the right of same-sex couples to marry. For those who haven’t been following along closely, earlier this year the California Supreme Court ruled (on a split vote) that Article 1 makes denying the rights of civil marriage to any set of consenting adult citizens illegal.
This makes some people crazy, irate, or both.
Not a week after our friends were married, Jennifer and I were folding laundry while listening to the radio. An episode of the call-in show Forum came on which had the “pro” and “con” sides both represented by articulate advocates. I can’t recommend strongly enough that you listen to the broadcast, since it gets to the core arguments for and against Prop 8 in an incisive way.
Fundamentally, the prop-Prop 8 argument (i.e., anti gay marriage) is that it’s always been done this way, that gay marriage in some way undermines straight couples and the family structure, and that change would make those who are against gay marriage feel like they are being discriminatory. The first argument I have some sympathy with, particularly as it relates to the appropriateness and timing court decisions. When courts are significantly ahead of public opinion regarding grants of negative rights, the potential to exacerbate existing social frictions is very real. This can harm lots of people on both sides of an issue. That, on balance, however hasn’t been sufficient grounds to continue to deny major groups of Americans rights before (think women’s suffrage and equal pay). Arguments based on the idea that something has always been done a particular way therefore run counter to the subversive and radical nature of the American system. We base interpretation of the law on argumentation (informed, of course, by common morality). Courts are not allowed to re-enforce the status quo simply to preserve a group’s sense of comfort. Groups looking for a particular remedy must provide an argument that squares with the Constitution. It’s worth remembering that documents which suggest that everyone is entitled to equal rights under the law aren’t common in human history. There is nothing so American, then, as to suggest that what makes us different is that we explicitly recognize the rights of groups not like ourselves. After all, it’s the only way to guarantee that those groups respect and preserve the rights of others as well.
That, then, leaves the arguments that gay marriage (or, more broadly, an understanding that being gay is not criminal) will cause the decay of straight relationships and marriages. As a married straight person, I find this argument ridiculous. Let me be very clear on one point: when we as a society recognize the rights of our minorities, we do not create those minorities from whole legal cloth. The people who that Prop 8’s supporters want to take rights away from have always existed. It’s not as though the recognition that they have been oppressed for centuries somehow makes that continued oppression right. Nor does it suddenly cause more people to “become gay”. I’ve had gay and lesbian friends since high school, and never once has it caused me to question my own sexual orientation. Given the deep conversations I’ve had with my friends over the years, it’s clear to me that being gay is as much of a choice as being black is. Those who oppose civil gay marriage seem to believe that they aren’t doing any harm to anyone by denying others rights. What this means to me as someone who grew up in a very conservative part of the country but nevertheless has nearly always had gay and lesbian friends is that Prop 8’s supporters are simply denying the harm they have caused to their own communities, families, and co-workers. It is simply willful ignorance to wish away ten percent of the population. Likewise, their argument assumes that some among us don’t deserve equal protection because somehow granting them standing in court will diminish the standing of straight couples. I have yet to see any compelling evidence of this.
Lastly, the argument that children will somehow see their parents as bigoted and that parents have a right not to be viewed as prejudicial by their families strikes me as particularly foolish. Progress requires that we change, and change requires that we acknowledge that what came before was not optimal. This is true no matter how you define “progress”. To effect real change, abolitionists required an understanding in the populace that slavery was wrong. Similarly, prohibitionists had to build a large constituency against alcohol consumption in order to get the eighteenth amendment passed. In both cases the question of moral right and wrong needed to be settled independently of the question of legal and illegal, but settling that issue was a pre-requisite for social change and legal action. In each case, large sections of the people fundamentally disagreed with the majority well past when the issue appeared “settled” in the law. That is a question of private morality and the fact of the disagreement is what animates our political and legal processes. Without recognized disagreements, how can there ever be progress in any direction?
So the question for those concerned parents comes sharply into focus: do those parents agree with every single other thing taught in public schools? If they don’t (and I’m guessing parents who are “Yes on 8” voters aren’t big on, say, biology, astronomy, and the scientific method), how do they handle the the other disagreements? What makes this one so much different? Have those parents abdicated the teaching of morality to the public schools on every other front? And why do they assume that they won’t be able to exercise their rights to have their kids exempted from teachings they don’t agree with on religious grounds?
Lets get to the real center of this: religious groups have a right to be prejudiced against whomever they please. It’s a fundamental part of being an American that you are allowed to believe whatever you want. It’s not, however, a recognized right that you will never be presented with evidence of your disagreement with others. Hiding behind a cloak of forced ignorance and denial is intellectually and morally dishonest. If the church to which I belong wants to argue that gay marriage is sinful, wrong, or in some other way morally bankrupt, then it needs to have the courage of its convictions to make that case forcefully in the world as a moral and ethical case. Isn’t it the church’s job to convert those who disagree with it to the church’s way of viewing the world and in so doing change their behavior? If religious organizations think that it’s wrong for gays and lesbians to practice their rights under the law, it’s incumbent of the church to convince gays and lesbians of that, not the rest of us.
When the church over-reaches and instead attempts to legislate from the pulpit, both the genius of the constitution and the authority of the church are jeopardized. Arguing the civil implications on the moral grounds is simply inconsistent with how our law operates, and the church knows it. Worse, what if the church were to win such a fight on that basis? Who then interprets where to go from there? Lots of faiths with many differing views all reject religious gay marriage…which of those faiths should be consulted next time? All of them? What if they don’t agree? It’s a far better thing that the Church understand the distinction between church and state in order to preserve the independence of its message from the corrupting influence of power. History is crystal clear on this point.
More to the point, though, if you wish to be prejudiced why should it somehow cause distress that others disagree? Isn’t the mere fact of the disagreement an opportunity to make a case? And if the argument doesn’t hold up for the majority of the population, doesn’t it deserve to loose? For churches and communities of faith to attempt to argue that the institution of holy matrimony (as distinct from civil marriage) is in any way affected by the equal protection provisions of the law is dishonest and misrepresents their interest in the political process. To argue that it would be best if society simply didn’t recognize the difference between the law and what the church teaches is also disingenuous, dishonest, and dangerous to the church.
I cannot support Prop 8, and I urge you not to either. Please vote “no”. The proponents have not fielded good arguments that show harm and have resorted to incredulous arguments which bear no resemblance to the truth. The opponents have sought and won the protection of the law. Taking that away – which is what is on the ballot – is unconscionable.